“Questioners” (Type 6) as Children

From "The Enneagram of Parenting" by E. Wagele

Now read about all the nine Enneagram types as children on this WordPress blog under the category “Enneagram Books and Children.”   

Personality typology explains why we frustrate each other. It’s not always because we don’t think straight or don’t have common sense, it’s often because we’re born with different ways of looking at the world. This produces different values. When we try to walk in others’ shoes (when we learn the Enneagram), our frustration eases and dealing with our family members, students, teachers, or fellow students becomes easier.

The Enneagram personality system had been around for about twenty years. At first it was kept a secret. Its leaders thought the world couldn’t handle it. Then the positive ones among them exerted more influence. They wanted to share their newfound prize and tell the world about it. Classes and books about the Enneagram sprang up starting mainly in 1987.

In 1997, I wrote the first book for using the Enneagram with children in families and schools, The Enneagram of Parenting. Each type has a different learning style, for example, and different paces, outlooks on life, and needs to nurture and be nurtured. In 2007, I wrote the first book for young children to learn the Enneagram by reading it themselves or having it read to them, Finding the Birthday Cake. Both books are full of cartoons and are easily accessible.

Questioner children have busy, alert minds, are suspicious of flattery, and are always on the lookout for danger. They can be quick-tempered, brave, and anti-authoritarian. Some are assertive, others are timid. Stevie Six is a character from Finding the Birthday Cake:

Here is a test from Finding the Birthday Cake:

See my list of Famous People’s Enneagram and MBTI types.

More Famous People are on my Psychology Today blog and my WordPress blog.

See my Happy Introvert and Creative Enneagram on You Tube.

Buy The Enneagram of Parenting

Kindle edition

Buy Finding the Birthday Cake

9 Ways to Raise Kids Perfectly

The best way to raise children is to study the nine types of people so your mind will be open to how different we are from each other. What children need is to be listened to and heard. They need to be heard by someone who has self-knowledge! If you don’t know your own limitations you will be likely to expect unreasonable things from your child. The Enneagram can help you and your child’s teachers. It teaches acceptance. Understanding that 9 types of children are equally valuable leads to learning different learning styles. Nobody raises “perfect kids” (perfect kids would not be human kids), but being open to your kid being a completely new person never seen before would be wonderful. I would wish that on everyone instead of the way some parents usually try to pour their children into molds. Wouldn’t you like that if you were starting life over?

Now to Adrienne Williams, a 6-Questioner who talks about the Enneagram on www.Examiner.com. She has a new web site called Enneagram Life. You can find out a little about the Questioner personality in my blog in Psychology Today. She has worked with children of all ages in her professional career—from 4-years-old up. Some have had behavioral and mental challenges and have been deaf. She believes a person’s Enneagram type is clearly visible and that there are clues in finding them.

Amy the 8-Asserter

In a recent column she wrote about Ingrid Stabb’s video with children. “As an Enneagram Six, I can remember the time at age 4, when my fears and anxieties affected me in positive and negative ways. If only I’d had the tools the children on this video do today… I remember working with this child who I believed showed characteristics of an Enneagram Eight [Asserter]. His mother would come to me in tears, not understanding. “Why is my child always pushing, hitting, attacking children, not getting along with others, and wanting to control me and other children?” She didn’t understand why her child needed to direct others, [why he] always tried to lead the shy children… and why he saw himself as their protector…” Adrienne wished she could have used the Enneagram with the children in that classroom but at the time she didn’t have the authority to do so.

I don’t know if The Enneagram of Parenting, which is used by many teachers in elementary schools, had been published yet when Adrienne wanted to use the Enneagram with children. As far as I know, this was the first book that addressed using the Enneagram with children. Several years later, my little book that teaches children the Enneagram, Finding the Birthday Cake, was published. Parents and teachers like the short test adults can use to assess their children’s types. Kids like the animal characters. The Happy Introvert has a chapter on children as well. See the covers below.

If you look to the left you will see some other blogs about Enneagram types as children. All of my books are full of my cartoons too.

Buy The Enneagram of Parenting: Amazon

The Enneagram of Parenting

Buy Finding the Birthday Cake: Amazon

Finding the Birthday Cake

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Buy Enneagram Made Easy:  Amazon

The Enneagram Made Easy

Buy The Beethoven Enneagram

Are You My Type, Am I Yours?

 

The Beethoven Enneagram CD

Buy The Career Within You: Amazon

 

The Career Within You

To buy Are You My Type, Am I Yours? click here.

“Adventurers” as Children (Type Seven)

The Adventurer, from "The Enneagram of Parenting" by E. Wagele

This cartoon shows an Adventurer child giving a sparkling performance, cheered on and supported. Adventurer children are usually curious, lively, charming, and have many interests. They often do best when they can pick and choose from a rich learning environment, since having many options appeals to them. Routine does not. Adventurers tend to be extraverted, sociable, and talkative, but there are exceptions. Freedom is good; boredom and restrictions are bad from their point of view. Adventurer Norris said he felt like a grasshopper in a world of ants when he was a child.

Adventurer children are usually positive, happy, optimistic, have many friends, and think well of themselves. They may sign themselves up to do too much, but they’re usually resourceful and learn fast. They like to be spontaneous.

Likely variations on this type are those who resemble the Observer type and are studious and focus well and those who resemble the Perfectionist and try to do things right. These two types are at the Adventurer’s “arrows,” the lines that radiate out from the 7th point in the Enneagram. The wings, the Questioner and the Asserter also frequently influence Adventurers, in the first case by adding a more light or jittery feeling to the personality and in the second by adding a heavier, more or definite feeling.

With this post, I will have covered all nine Enneagram styles as children in my WordPress blogs in the past six months. Often, I feature the same type as an adult the next week in my longer, alternating “Psychology Today” blog.

Reminder: Ingrid Stabb and I will give a presentation on our Wagele-Stabb Career Finder from “The Career Within You” on Saturday, July 31, at the International Enneagram Association conference in San Francisco. administration@internationalenneagram.org

We’re also hosting a party for our book at Maxfield’s in the Palace Hotel at 5:30 on the same day, to which all are welcome.

To buy “The Enneagram of Parenting”: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound

“Perfectionists” as Children (Type One)

Three fish from "The Enneagram of Parenting"

One parent reported his son would line up grains of sand in his crib in perfect lines as a baby. He grew up to become a Perfectionist airplane pilot, a good occupation along with dentist, surgeon and other careers where being exact is important. Some Perfectionist children become teachers’ pets for being obedient, turning in assignments on time, and encouraging their peers to do what’s expected of them. When I taught piano lessons, I tried to downplay the importance of getting every note right. Some children applied their own pressure to themselves, though, and I couldn’t convince them that a wrong note here and there was nothing to be ashamed of. I suspect it was most often the Perfectionists who were most likely to burst out in tears when they made mistakes.

Walter One from "Finding the Birthday Cake"

As is often the case in the Enneagram, there are two kinds of Perfectionists: the meticulous one featured in these two cartoons and the kind that pays more attention to principals, ideals, and causes. This second type might grow up to be an ecologist, consumer activist, or minister. Of course, both aspects can be combined in the same person. Perfectionists want to do what is right and usually strive to improve themselves throughout their lives.

In order to reduce the stress of Perfectionist children, parents and teachers do well to encourage creativity and free play. Creativity and having fun get children in touch with their own desires and beauty so they have less time to focus on what they “should” or “ought to” be doing. It helps to schedule in these times, especially for the most serious Perfectionists.

To Buy “The Enneagram of Parenting:” Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound

To Buy “Finding the Birthday Cake:” Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound

For more information about all of Wagele’s books and tape: http://www.wagele.

See If You Have an Achiever-Style Child (Type 3)

This Santa cartoon and the stroller cartoon below are from my book, “The Enneagram of Parenting.”

The check-list below is helps you see if your child might have the Achiever personality. It comes from the back of my book for children, “Finding the Birthday Cake.”

While we usually think of Achievers as an extraverted personality, they can also be introverted. Introverted Achievers are likely to work hard behind the scenes and/or to excel at sports, music, writing or other activities that aren’t based on social skills.

Since Achievers naturally depend on praise from others, it’s helpful for parents and teachers to be aware of encouraging them to tune in to their own worlds of priorities, feelings, and thoughts. If you ask them to tell you their favorite color combinations in paintings or nature, for example, they will learn to place more importance on what they truly feel about things instead of taking many of their cues from other people.

“Finding the Birthday Cake” is for teaching the Enneagram to children from about 6 to 12 years old, though any age can enjoy it.

Buy it: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound

“The Enneagram of Parenting” is for parents and teachers, older children, and teenagers.  It encourages acceptance and understanding of different types of children and suggests methods of dealing with different behavior and learning styles and helping parents and children of different types get along.

Buy it: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound

Romantic-Style Children (Type 4)

Romantic children

find special

meaning where

others may not.

Six examples of where Romantic children express special meaning to their friends follow this cartoon on page 57 of my “Enneagram of Parenting” book, ending with a Romantic kid telling a friend he has noticed the expressive and poetic way his friend speaks. Romantics can be especially compassionate.

This is one of the most sensitive types of children. They often have easily hurt feelings and strong emotions. Many are interested in the arts or literature, tend to express themselves dramatically, and engage in imaginative fantasy play. Howard loved to look for treasures such as beautiful jewels, rocks, or colors when he was a child and became an artist and psychotherapist when he grew up. Beauty, ideals, and meaning were important to him.

There are more introverted than extraverted Romantic children. Franny Four, the Romantic horse in “Finding the Birthday Cake,” my book for teaching the Enneagram to children, wants to help get the cake back but she wants to do it in her own way. ”I’ll write a beautiful, fancy song,” she says, “and sing it all through the land. When the cake hears it, he will come running to me because he loves my music. After I find the cake I’ll dress up for the party in my best silk and velvet clothes. We’ll have the most special party in the world!”

This child from “The Happy Introvert” could easily be a Romantic type.

Be sensitive of your Romantic children’s sensitivity and treat them gently. Romantics easily feel shamed. Give them plenty of stimulation and take an interest in what they’re interested in. Remember they may have a tendency toward feeling melancholy. It can be helpful to talk with them about how they would prefer for you to react when this happens.

To buy “The Enneagram of Parenting”: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound

To buy “Finding the Birthday Cake”: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound

To buy “The Happy Introvert”: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound

Next week I’ll post a blog about Romantics as adults on Psychology Today’s blogs. http://bit.ly/psychtdy

“Peace Seekers” as Children (Type 9)

From “The Enneagram of Parenting” by Elizabeth Wagele

The first thing that comes to my mind when thinking about Peace Seeker style children I know is their desire to connect with others in a positive way. Most try to avoid conflict as much as possible. Trying to understand others’ points of view makes them good mediators. They prefer staying in a pleasant zone where things are going along smoothly and they can remain accepting of different people’s opinions and styles of doing things. It’s good to remember that Peace Seekers are often quite sensitive; one reason they like harmony is because they can’t stand disharmony. Strong discipline is not only unnecessary but can be harmful.

Peace Seekers are often slow to recognize their own anger (this is something they share with many Perfectionist children), so parents and teachers can be helpful by giving them permission to express some anger when appropriate. As the drawing shows, Peace Seeker children often have a natural affinity for nature and/or the spiritual side of life.

In “Finding the Birthday Cake,” the Ninosaur is a Peace Seeker who generously wants to give back to everyone on his birthday rather than thinking about receiving gifts himself. This is the foundation for the plot for this book that teaches the Enneagram to children. (It can be purchased at Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound.)

Some music in the style of the Peace Seeker is “Row, Row, Row Your Boat,” “Dock of the Bay,” and the Beethoven sonata examples in the Peace Seeker or Nine Chapter of The Beethoven Enneagram {Amazon.com).

“The Enneagram of Parenting” (HarperCollins) can be purchased at Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound

Which Enneagram Type Makes the Best Friend? (Type 2)

In “Finding the Birthday Cake,” Tina Two is helping the hostess with the birthday party she’s giving for the Ninosaur. Tina is trying to make it the friendliest party in the world. She’s likely to grow up to choose a career from “The Career Within You” that has something to do with working with people. She’ll be a good harmonizer in any case because Helpers thrive on creating ways to help others feel comfortable.

Helper type children usually try to be good, especially at school, and sometimes become the teacher’s pet. They like to be with other kids or grownups and enjoy getting attention either by pleasing or by entertaining. They start to know what others need without being told at a young age.

Helper children may be social at the expense of developing their own individual interests, so parents and teachers can help by encouraging the arts, computers, sciences, reading, and/or whatever Helper children show curiosity about in addition to people.

Sally’s mother preferred working to being a housewife so Sally, as the oldest of three, took over many of her mother’s duties, such as the cooking and cleaning the house. This freed the two younger children to lead the socially active lives they preferred. Sally, who was artistically talented, didn’t realize she was missing out on learning skills that could have helped her with her career by being tied down to household duties. Unfortunately, this situation was allowed to continue for many years.

The advantage of studying the nine types of children is that it both points out the strengths of each type, for example pleasing others and the ability to create harmony, and also cautions us about some of the pitfalls to look out for.

Please see my blog of 5-18-10 on Psychology Today, http://bit.ly/psychtdy “Why You Should Hire a “Helper” Personality” for  information on adult Helpers, careers, etc.

For more on “Finding the Birthday Cake:” http://www.wagele.com/Finding.html

To buy: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound

For “The Enneagram of Parenting:” http://www.wagele.com/EnneagramParent.html

To buy: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound

For more on “The Career Within You” http://www.careerwithinyou.com

Tp buy: Amazon.com: http://bit.ly/8YTdOsHo

Indie bound: http://www.indiebound.org/book/9780061718618

Do You Have an “Asserter” Style Child? (Type 8)

In my Enneagram book for kids, “Finding the Birthday Cake,” I decided to stop by my house as we looked here and there for the missing cake:

Amy Eight was so insistent that something be done about the problem of the missing cake for the evening’s party, she said we’d have it even if she had to bake it herself! She was impatient to celebrate both the Ninosaur’s birthday and finding the cake: “We’ll have the most EXHUBERANT party in the world!” She may be tiny but she’s powerful in word and deed. Asserter children are so energetic, they may tire their care-givers out and are sometimes misunderstood or blamed wrongly.

Some of the questions in the Personality Quiz in the Asserter chapter in my

“Enneagram of Parenting” book are:

Does your child

* have a great deal of energy?

* always make his or her presence known?

* show anger or disagreement freely?

* have a fast-running motor and need down time?

* speak and act with authority?

* behave enthusiastically?

Followed by some cartoons about how protective Asserter children can be. Read also about the other eight styles of children in both books.

For more on “Finding the Birthday Cake:” http://www.wagele.com/Finding.html

To buy: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound

For more on “The Enneagram of Parenting:” http://www.wagele.com/EnneagramParent.html

To buy: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound

5/4/10 Please see today’s Psychology Today blog by me:  http://www.psychologytoday.com/ “How-Does-It-Feel-to Have-an Assertive-Personality-Type?” for the adult Asserter personality and a cartoon from “The Enneagram Made Easy.”

“Finding the Birthday Cake” Teaches Acceptance to Children

After I wrote “The Enneagram of Parenting,” I decided to write a book for teaching children the Enneagram. Children had been learning the Enneagram from my Enneagram of Parenting book from looking at the many cartoons, but I wanted to write a book specifically for younger children from six or younger to ten. My first dilemma was: how would kids see my drawings as representing types of people? I was afraid if I drew human characters they might resemble someone a child might know, a neighbor kid for example, which could confuse them. So I decided to use animals.

I wanted to have a mystery to keep the children’s attention, so I had the birthday cake go missing and the animals look for it in ways characteristic of their type. One example is the Romantic who sings a song that so beautifully she is sure the cake will hear it and come running to see who is making this wonderful music. A romantic idea, indeed. You can see a drawing of this dressed up Romantic horse on my Psychology Today blog of April 13, 2010: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-career-within-you/201004/peace-the-inside-out-ii

I wondered if I should have a fierce animal for the most assertive type and a gentle animal for a gentle personality. I decided to go against stereotyping, so I made a tiny goldfish represent the most assertive type. At the end of each type’s section we hear the character that represents that type say something like, “I hope we find the cake soon so we can have the most PERFECT party!” – or whatever adjective best describes its type’s idea of a great party. Freddy Five, the Observer rabbit, wants to have the most INTERESTING party in the world.

By the end of the book we have met all the characters and the mystery of the missing cake has been solved. You won’t guess what happened to the cake in a million years. It does turn up, though, so the party goes on. There’s a moral to the story, too. In addition, the Enneagram does its own magic by showing children nine different styles of behaving that are all perfectly acceptable and honored. Children will recognize themselves and friends and family in this book and they’ll notice that personality differences really do exist and that they’re okay. Even good! It’s an excellent book to use in schoolrooms and families to further the value of tolerance.

For Reviews and more information: “Finding the Birthday Cake; Helping Children Raise Their Self-esteem” http://www.wagele.com/Finding.html

Buy “Finding the Birthday Cake” now:
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound