The Romantic Personality

From "The Career Within You" by Stabb and Wagele

From “The Career Within You” by Stabb and Wagele

The Romantic type in the Enneagram is known for its gifts of compassion, admiring and often being able to produce great beauty, and being sensitive to nuances of moods. “Healthy 4-Romantics are capable of a depth of feeling most of us have no access to… {They can] express something universally valid. William Shakespeare and T. S. Eliot are examples of poets in whom the great emotions have been so purified and shaped by discipline that they remain valid for all time. Redeemed Romantics are better than most others at understanding and guiding people in psychic distress. They are not intimidated by the difficult, complicated, or dark feelings of others since they themselves have lived through it all.” (From The Enneagram – A Christian Perspective by Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert.)

Romantics are also known for noticing who has more than they have—whether talent, style, attention, class, good taste, or wonderful belongings. If you ever writhed while you watched a fellow worker get attention he/she didn’t deserve and hoped their reward would be taken away, you were probably feeling envy. From The Career Within You: “Romantics are familiar with the all-consuming experience of feeling resentful from wanting what another has. Haythorp is tall, handsome and a brilliant, top-notch speaker on science. The ladies all puff themselves up when he comes in the room. He has what Evan wishes he had and Evan envies him for it.

A mathematician acquaintance set out to prove the most difficult problem Helga had ever seen. She had thought she could prove this theorem after just a little more preparation, but this guy seemed to have so much more innate talent than she, no training would ever compensate. Most of their friends were content to be in awe of his abilities, but she found herself seething with negative emotion.

Loki envies a former good friend who sometimes out-shined him performing music. Unfortunately, their friendship suffered when they marked their progress off of each other. Loki wished they could get past their egos and help each other by collaborating. He said, ‘It’s a shameful indulgence, but my confidence was based on my sense of being better than those around me, so that I would stand out for being good at what I do.’”

Of course, all the Enneagram types can suffer from envy and all the Enneagram types can be compassionate, but they will not usually expresses these traits with the depth of feeling of the Romantic.

A Valentine for You (plus Saturday’s workshop and more)

img011   I. This will help you find out what to give each special person for Valentine’s Day according to their Enneagram type.

And if you want to give them this Valentine itself, you can. Just go to my website and you can download two different size for your own website or e-mail or Facebook or wherever you want.

Happy Valentine’s Day everybody!

II. For this coming Saturday, 2-9-13, I’ll be in Chicago celebrating the subject of Finding Our Way Home using my book, The Enneagram of Death, as a taking off place. Ruthie Landis is my partner for the day-long workshop and has worked hard to make it a successful day. We have actors, including Ruthie, and dancers signed up to read and perform one story from each chapter and I will play piano pieces to accompany them—Bach, Chopin, jazz, a little of everything. Some of the stories will be Facing the Fear of Death: The Gift of Dying by Jan Conlon (type 1, the Perfectionist), Helping Isn’t Always Easy by Darlene Yarnell (type 2, the Helper), The Death of Overdoing by Lee Estridge (type 3, the Achiever), Balancing Grief and Celebration by Suzanne Arcand-Gawreluk (type 4, the Romantic), and Thinking of Death by Marilyn Margulius (type 6, the Questioner). The 7 is by John Stabb, the 8, Two Guns, is by Mario Sikora and the 9 story, Belaram Bulai Was Dying, is by Tom Rosin.

Finding Our Way Home

Co-presented by Ruthie Landis and

guest author, artist, and musician Elizabeth Wagele

Saturday, February 9, 2013

9:30 a.m.- 4:30 p.m.

Our tango with Loss, Grief, and Dying offers us a

poignant opportunity to know our True Self more fully,

explore how we Love, and how we engage with Others and with Life itself.

Come join us for a “happening”; a safe, playful, and provocative day of learning and connecting with others, while we find ways of looking at that which we fear and avoid, our own mortality.  As the centerpiece of the day, prolific author, artist, and pianist, Elizabeth Wagele will offer her latest book, The Enneagram of Death, as well as her live music and comic perspective to the facilitated workshop experience. Coming together, actors and dancers, people of all ages and backgrounds, with curiosity and open hearts, will share an unforgettable and truly enlivening day as we each continue to

Find Our Way Home.

at The Ethical Humanist Society, 7574 N. Lincoln Ave. Skokie, Illinois

Register – $85

(includes signed book and light lunch)

To register email  or PayPal at

III. And one more thing – I’m looking for interviews about adolescence either from adults about when they were adolescents or adolescents from ten to 21 themselves. Please write to me at with YOUR BOOK in the title bar if you’re interested in writing something yourself or having me interview you.