https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the


https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-career-within-you/201611/michelle-obama-super-popular-1-perfectionist-1st-lady Elizabeth Wagele blog on #MichelleObama. #enneagram #mbti #coach #hsp #psychology #respect

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the


https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-career-within-you/201611/michelle-obama-super-popular-1-perfectionist-1st-lady Elizabeth Wagele blog on #MichelleObama. #enneagram #mbti #coach #hsp #psychology #respect

http://ow.ly/O58Xh Blog by Elizabeth Wag


http://ow.ly/O58Xh Blog by Elizabeth Wagele on long #relationships, the #Enneagram, and #brain science. #mbti #coach #hsp #love #Jung

http://ow.ly/NLYjr Elizabeth Wagele blog


http://ow.ly/NLYjr Elizabeth Wagele blog on #Psychology Today. #Teens speak. #enneagram #mbti #coach #hsp #parents #glbt #Jung #types

http://ow.ly/NLYjr Elizabeth Wagele blog


http://ow.ly/NLYjr Elizabeth Wagele blog on #Psychology Today. #Teens speak. #enneagram #mbti #coach #hsp #parents #glbt #Jung #types

The Enneagram for Teens


Great review by a teen!

The Enneagram

Teenagers. Stop. Read.

First off, no, the Enneagram is not super confusing. Yes, I realize the name of it is quite strange. But, “ennea” means nine in Greek and “gram” means drawing. Simply stated, the Enneagram is a drawing with nine points. However, it is much more than that. It provides you with tools to examine and realize that your strengths are different from your best friends and your other family members. THAT IS A RELIEF! A GOOD THING! A GREAT THING!

 Adolescence (noun)

  1. the transition period between childhood and adulthood.
  2. confusion.

Many people my age, 17, struggle with who they really are. This is directly correlational with Erikson’s Psychosocial Stage of Development, Identity vs. Role Confusion ranging from ages 12 to 20 years. A few examples of this involve the life of Allyson Rae, me! I’ve been in plays, choirs, sports teams, volunteer clubs, and much more randomness. Don’t…

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http://ow.ly/BPAvm Important new book fo


http://ow.ly/BPAvm Important new book for teens to have: Wagele’s newest. Who r u? #parents #school #high school #family #adolescent

Who is the Real Me?


Family

My sister, mother, me, my father, c. 1952.

Have you ever wondered about the difference between who you are and who you’re pretending to be? I’m searching my earliest memories, when my environment had the least impact on me, to help me find out.

 

• My love of music goes back forever. I had to have been born with it. This points to preferring the feeling side of life—the arts, beauty, people, psychology, etc. There’s not much argument against the MBTITM preferences (introversion and extraversion, feeling and thinking, for example) being inborn; I believe I’ve also been individualistic, focused on possibilities, and empathic from the beginning.

 

• When my older sister and my mother screamed at each other, did I freak out and cringe behind the closed door because I naturally disliked conflict? Or did I dislike conflict because their screaming traumatized me? I think I have the anti-conflict gene, if there is such a thing, which Enneagram 9-Peace Seekers and 5-Observers (my type) share. I thrive on peace and dislike drama in my life.

 

• Football players and wrestlers like rough contact, even getting hurt, and don’t usually mind trading insults. This is not the real me for sure! I’m as far as one can get from typical players of contact sports, often 8-Asserters in the Enneagram.

 

• Are you too lazy to spend 55 minutes beautifying yourself every day, as the average woman does? My mother, a 2-Helper, wasn’t. She put on lipstick, powder, rouge, and eye makeup every day, finishing by brushing mascara on her two or three white hairs as a quick cover up. She never allowed me to touch her shiny auburn hair. When I see apes bond by running their fingers through each other’s hair, looking for dirt and parasites, the feeling of disappointment comes back. My mother’s interest in her appearance influenced my attitude. I’m not totally lacking in vanity, but I don’t spend much time on it.

 

• Whenever my mother and I passed through the huge main doors of ZCMI, the big department store in Salt Lake City, she would beeline it to the nearest set of mirrors. We could not talk until she was satisfied with her lipstick, powder, and the angle of her hat. Every so often she’d spot another mirror and recheck herself. Would my mother be as interested in mirrors if she happened to be ugly instead of pretty? Wondering this led me to thinking it would be fairer if humans didn’t have bodies. I wished we could be spirits and relate to one another purely from our inner selves, a wish I almost forgot about when puberty set in.

 

• My father, a 5-Observer and a scientist, was a role model to me for thinking logically—and he did not suffer fools gladly. I’m thankful I picked up his respect for the intellect, but maybe I tricked myself into thinking I could also be strong and smart like him if I were more critical of others. Being like him would compensate for feeling weak. Now, however, I am more interested in being kind than in one-upping anyone. Being true to my real self by being empathic beats having a false sense of strength.

 

Visit http://wagele.com to check out my books, CD, cartoons, essays, music, and Famous Enneagram Types.

 

 

See Are You My Type, Am I Yours? on Amazon.com

 

Visit The Happy Introvert – a Wild and Crazy Guide for Celebrating Your True Self on Facebook. 

 

Religion an Issue Between Dogmatic Dad and Searching Son


Image

This is a story from my book, The Enneagram of Death. Tom’s father is a skeptical and mistrustful 6-Questioner personality type and is motivated to protect himself. He trusts his church and the afterlife but he’s pretty grumpy about life on earth. He’s Tom, however, is a 9-Peace Seeker who looks for commonality among people and is seeking the truth.

 

Death Will Be Graduation Day

 

 

 

By Tom Purcell.

 

 

 

             My father died a month before his 94th birthday. He was a social subtype Questioner through and through. He often complained about “the powers that be,” yet enjoyed socializing with them; he was instrumental in the campaigns to re-elect our local Member of Parliament, yet refused to run for office himself; he was friendly with everyone he met, especially the underdogs of society. Yet he often said he was unable to trust anyone.

 

            My loving father maintained his intellectual faculties until the last few months. During his last ten years, following a few minor surgeries, he experienced brief periods of memory impairment, but bounced back quickly. The official cause of death was old age.

 

He was a devout Roman Catholic with an unshakeable belief that he was going to heaven. His concept of heaven wasn’t elaborate, but he did expect to see predeceased friends and family members there when he arrived. He never disclosed to me what they were, but in his later years he expressed regret about mistakes he had made in his life.

 

            Overall, he was accepting of his fate. He didn’t believe the world was such a great place with all the moral corruption, poverty, wars, and suffering. Life on earth was a test of faith, and death was graduation day.

 

In light of the current health consciousness and the focus on physical well-being, I found it interesting that my father ate red meat daily, drank alcohol, smoked, never exercised, carried at least 70 extra pounds, was always worried about something, had high blood pressure and cholesterol, and was never particularly happy or relaxed. However, he was proud of the fact that he never ever missed Sunday Mass. Perhaps he was onto something.

 

            A major theme of his stories was a mistrust of authority figures and an inability to express emotion. He felt powerless to change any aspect of the world. As a skeptic, he believed politicians were skillful liars and the news media were the mouthpieces of rich and powerful interests, but he was loyal to his wife, his family, his employers, his religious faith and his political views.

 

He was afraid of losing his job, although he held the same position for over 23 years, and he often expressed suspicion of other managers at his workplace. His co-workers wouldn’t listen to him when he said their employer was headed for bankruptcy, but his fear of being out of work inspired him to seek out another job. Three months later he found out his former employer had indeed gone out of business. My father had landed a much better position, even though he was already in his mid-fifties. He attributed his success to prayer and God’s work—never giving himself credit for his own virtues. I wished he’d take pride in his reputation for scrupulous honesty and loyalty to his employer.          

 

 

I questioned his blind faith in a belief system that had evolved through many centuries. In its highest expression, through the example of the loving kindness of Christ, it commands its followers to “love thy neighbor as thyself.” My father, however, divided the world into members of his club and nonmembers. It bothered me deeply as a young man when he spoke negatively about people who did not agree with his beliefs. I became even more frustrated when he refused to discuss religiously based beliefs at all. Now, however, I can understand my youthful desire to seek the essential truth in all religions as rather threatening to my dogmatic father.

 

            When I was a teenager, I would try to engage him in theological debates about other religious traditions, but he would dismiss anything that didn’t conform to his own narrow and rigid interpretation of official Catholic dogma. Later in his life, he softened somewhat and relaxed his rigid views when he acknowledged, “good people of all faiths go to heaven.”

 

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there ~ Rumi

 

 

 

Visit http://wagele.com to check out my books, CD, cartoons, essays, music, and Famous Enneagram Types.

 

 

 

Read reviews of The Enneagram of Death.

 

 

 

See The Enneagram of Death pages on Face Book.

 

People Who Smile Too Much


Smile, smile, smile

Smile, smile, smile by Elizabeth Wagele

I don’t smile constantly, but I have always been afraid to show it when I felt angry inside. Early on I began smiling automatically when someone upset me. The feeling was similar to if you’ve ever smiled when you saw an accident–from someone slipping on a banana peel in a cartoon to a real indignity that didn’t seem at all comical after you thought about it. Perhaps we’re relieved it didn’t happen to us. Perhaps the danger involved makes us anxious and our anxiety produces a smile response.

Smiling from anxiety is a natural defense. Years ago I was walking with my friend, Rebecca, when I smiled at an acquaintance and acted happy to see her. After we passed, I told Rebecca I didn’t like this person. Rebecca, a schoolteacher and a Buddhist priest, said, “Then why did you act just the opposite?” Since then I’ve tried to be more aware of what I’m doing. I try to show on the outside the way I feel on the inside. Sometimes I’m so uncomfortable I still smile from tension and I try to not let that bother me.

Please read my Psychology Today blog, “Why We Smile,” for more ideas on this subject. 

A blogger wrote, “I have a compulsive smiling problem. When someone gets on the elevator with me, I smile. When the bagger hands me my groceries, I smile. When someone opens the door for me, I smile. The only time I don’t smile is when someone at the grocery store says, ‘Hey, why don’t you smile for me?’ and I want to stuff arugula down their throat.

 

“I think this is a female thing. I also think it’s a desperate-need-to-please-others-and-be-liked thing, which I am working on getting over… We laugh as a social function to let people know, ‘Everything’s ok! We’re all friends here!’ I think smiling is the same way. I smile to let people know I am not a threat. Please don’t give me trouble. Smile, smile, smile.

 

“It is hard to stop smiling. I find the corners of my mouth being pulled up by invisible marionette strings. Don’t do that! I murmur in my mind… I will not Botox my smile muscles closed. I will still smile when someone has been nice or if I really do want to flirt. I just need to stop smiling for no reason or strictly out of fear or discomfort.”

Here is another take from an internet forum: “People who are always smiling and don’t seem to have one serious thought their lives irritate me… They try to please everyone, but in the end have no real friends. I abominate lies, even the ones hidden in a facial expression.” – Nawyrus from INTP Forum

On medhelp, Kirkgregor said: “I am in my mid forties. All my life people in a wide variety of settings have come to the same conclusion about me when I try to socialize: ‘What are you smiling ‘bout?’ They stare me down and don’t understand why I smile.

“… As a boy (ages 0-12), my mother was routinely beaten by my father. He still lives as a selfish hermit on a 120-acre former dairy farm. My mother vented some on me after her beatings, but she has the Smiling Too Much disorder too. I think she just does it with me though. I have studied her around others and she does not smile so much to them.

“I smile as I communicate with every human I associate with.”

This was answered by Roger Gould, M.D.: “…The kind of smile you describe is like a mask that covers up what you are really thinking, and probably has a defensive look to outsiders, …as if saying what you are thinking about people. The best thing you can do is to start sorting out what you are feeling, what… is real and what is memory/feeling. It would be best to do this with someone close to you that you trust, and if not, with a therapist.”

Read my WordPress blog of 9-26-13: “When Women Sound Like Little Girls.”

Read my Psychology Today blog, “How to Achieve Success at Work,” Part One.

“How to Achieve Success at Work, Part Two” will appear on 9-17-13.

Visit http://wagele.com to check out my books, CD, cartoons, and essays, and Famous Enneagram Types.